Space, the Final Frontier

Hello dear readers.

During Organization 9-1-1 six professional organizers a day for three days for six hours a day worked in my home. Professional organizers earn about $65 an hour. This means that, just in labor alone, I was given a gift valued at over $7000. I do not take lightly the efforts and energy invested in me. I am humbled and grateful. I want to honor this gift. While I cannot pay it back, I will pay it forward.

A big part of showing my appreciation for the investment made in me is to USE the space. I will squander the investment if I let the space go unused. It really isn’t much different whether I am unable to use the space due to too much clutter or whether I do not use the space because I want to keep it clean. Either way the POTENTIAL of the space is going untapped.

I love my new office! I’ve added a few more books to the shelves. I’ve been writing here every morning. It is great to have this space just for me. So far I’m putting things away every night when I step away from my desk.

On the other hand, I’ve yet to really stake my claim on my new studio. For one thing, it has been very cold and the room is not heated. That is just a surface reason, though.

There is just so much open space. It is strange. I don’t have a desire or urge to fill it with stuff. I’m more afraid that I will mess it up and so I don’t want to touch it. I’m anxious just thinking about it.

I must admit, I’m afraid that I won’t keep the space cleaned up. You see, I’ve broken faith with myself before; and of course I’m talking about my inner rooms here. In many ways, I don’t trust myself. I have the best of intentions, really, and then, in the past, I’ve not followed through on those intentions. Oh, I didn’t do this with all of my intentions. I managed to follow through on some. But I let myself and others down often enough that my faith in myself was damaged.

Breaking faith with myself and others has cost me dearly. Not only did I develop a deep distrust of my own word; I have pulled back and isolated from people who I feel I’ve disappointed. Now that I type those words, I suppose that in many ways I pulled back and isolated within myself --- even from myself --- out of disappointment, guilt and shame.

Today is a new day. I can choose to go to the people I’ve let down and ask forgiveness. I can be released from that guilt and shame. I can move forward and come out of isolation.

Today is a new day. I have the opportunity today to make the choices, small and large, that will begin to rebuild my faith in myself. There is only one way and that is to practice. Every intention that I set and follow-through with action begins to rebuild that trust in myself.

In regards to my studio, I’m just going to get in there and create something. And you know what? I’m planning ahead to give myself grace when I fall short. Falling short from time to time is going to happen. I will not hold myself to a standard of perfection, it won’t happen anyway. Trying to be perfect will just stifle my creativity and my joy of the space. Trying to be perfect will instill a spirit of fear that may ultimately cause me to isolate into inertia. I fully embrace my inner wonkiness!

I’m going to approach my studio fearlessly, as though it were a blank canvas. I’m going to mess up the space and then I’m going to prove to myself that I can clean it up. I can do it!

Blessings,
Kelly