Now you see me, now you...see me
Isn’t it interesting that there can be so many facets to one experience?
Just a few days ago I wrote about the fear I have about needing all this stuff in order to be seen.
Lately I’ve become aware that I am hidden by all this stuff. Remember, I’m not only talking household clutter here, I’m talking about my inner clutter as well.
I heard an organizer on Oprah say, “The more you get rid of here, the more room you have over here.” This both thrilled and excited me!
I am excited because I am making room for something new. I may not even be fully aware of all that I am making room for; but I have a great sense of expectancy. I am cleaning out a junk room to create a nursery. The nursery is where I will nurture my spirit and soul through art; and where I will nurture my passion-driven business.
I have a new awareness that the more I get rid of, the more I am revealed. Wow. 180 degrees from where I was at a few days ago! The more I get rid of the more likely I am to be seen. Once the stuff is gone I am free to show up more fully; I show up more authentic, less guarded, and certainly less scattered.
Again, this is both thrilling and exciting. I want to show up authentically. I love to show up authentically! And I also feel anxious from time to time at the risk of being rejected. Those anxieties are just more boxes of junk to sort through and deal with once and for all. I have no illusions that the process will ever be complete. I’m okay with that; as long as I’m learning I’m not rotting.
The Oprah organizer also said, “Remove the clutter and honor and respect the things you truly love.” Oh how this is true of my heart and soul and mind! Living out this analogy makes application nearly impossible. That’s okay with me. I want to apply this to my life like slathering a nice thick layer of sticky peanut butter on a piece of bread. Have you ever tried to scrape peanut butter off bread? It is not easy. That’s how I want these revelations to stick to my life.
And, finally, another question that I am answering: “What do you want from this space?” What a wonder to consider this question with awareness and intention! When I was in labor with my kids I was encouraged to have a focus point to use during contractions. My dream of what I want for my office and art studio will be the focal point for me to get through the contractions of the organization process itself.
What about my soul, my spirit, my mind? What about my inner space? What do I want from this space? I want to show up fully and authentically. I want to make room for what is most precious and discard what does not contribute life to my life. I want to dream new dreams and give birth to inspiring books and art. I want to be an inspiration and encouragement to others. I want to nourish relationships that are mutually life-giving. I want to connect people to people and people to their dreams. These, then, are my focal point for these contractions of my inner organization process. This is where I focus the eyes of my heart.
How about you? What is the focus of the eyes of your heart?
Blessings,
Kelly
Showing posts with label freedom. Show all posts
Showing posts with label freedom. Show all posts
Wednesday, February 25, 2009
Friday, February 20, 2009
You Gotta Have Friends
Hello friends,
My friend Sherry just called; she gave me permission to share this story.
She's still going through the stuff she took from me; sorting and labeling it.
Sherry found a bracelet in the stuff and she put it on. When Sherry put on the bracelet on she was immediately aware of the weight of it on her wrist.
In the midst of dealing with my stuff she made a connection in her head about the weight of overwhelm that I live with and the weight of the bracelet on her wrist.
Sherry called to tell me that she is going to wear the bracelet to remind her to think of me and pray for me. Then, after O-Day, Sherry intends to take off the bracelet to symbolize that I am free of clutter.
Isn't that sweet?
On the flip side, Sherry says she'll never come to my house again.
My friend Sherry just called; she gave me permission to share this story.
She's still going through the stuff she took from me; sorting and labeling it.
Sherry found a bracelet in the stuff and she put it on. When Sherry put on the bracelet on she was immediately aware of the weight of it on her wrist.
In the midst of dealing with my stuff she made a connection in her head about the weight of overwhelm that I live with and the weight of the bracelet on her wrist.
Sherry called to tell me that she is going to wear the bracelet to remind her to think of me and pray for me. Then, after O-Day, Sherry intends to take off the bracelet to symbolize that I am free of clutter.
Isn't that sweet?
On the flip side, Sherry says she'll never come to my house again.
Thursday, February 19, 2009
Sharing My Stuff
I have a confession. Yesterday I cheated.
No! I did not go shopping at Michaels!
No! I did not hide craft supplies in my attic! (Not that the temptation hasn’t reared its ugly head.)
My friend Sherry came by and I loaded her down --- yikes, what an expression! Let’s try that again, I gifted her with envelopes, paper, and other supplies that can be used by the teachers and students at her school. It felt good to let the supplies go, especially knowing that they would be put to a good use. Sherry actually seemed to have more anxiety on my behalf, saying, “Are you sure you’re okay with this? Are you sure I can have this?” I was actually energized by the process. I’m just sorry she didn’t take more!
Side note: Linda and Denise, don’t worry. There is still PLENTY of stuff left.
Sherry called me this morning. She has brought just one box into her house from the back of her car and she is already feeling overwhelmed. She shared with me that it has given her insight into how I must feel, how I’ve been feeling for years faced with my own clutter. She looked at all the stuff in the back of her car and thought, “What the heck do I do with this now?” It was all stuff she wanted; stuff she chose. And it is stuff that she took with a particular use in mind. And yet, she --- a “cleanie”, an accomplished organizer ---is overwhelmed by it.
I’m glad that Sherry called me this morning to tell me about her experience. It helps me to hear her perception and awareness. I guess I’m allowing myself to know that I’m not a bad person because I’m overwhelmed by all this stuff and can’t seem to get it together. It would be normal for anyone to be overwhelmed by this much stuff. I’m not a bad person because I chose this stuff, because I wanted this stuff, or because I collected this stuff. It is normal for people to want and get stuff. Many people have eyes bigger than their closets, rooms, homes, garages, storage units.
I think sometimes when we live with something; for example, a particular belief or behavior; we can become numb to the effects of that belief or behavior. Here is an example: I walk around every day carrying an additional 80 pounds of body fat. This is down from 100 pounds. I was amazed by how much of a difference it made to my ability to move and breathe to release just twenty pounds. I've been heavy for so long that I barely notice hauling an extra 80 pounds around. Yet if you gave me an 80-pound bag of flour to carry around I'd be fully aware of how it physically challenged me. Part of growing willing and ready to let go is being willing to be aware of what it is costing me to hold on.
Similarly, I may not fully realize what keeping all of this stuff is costing me until it is gone. When my space is free of the visual clutter; when my mind is clear of clinging to the past; only when I experience freedom will I be fully aware of my previous bondage. So, it is good when we can see our world through someone else’s eyes. In this case I am motivated by the promise of moving out of the land of overwhelm.
I know the experience of the gradual lightening of my load. I know that the more I release the more deeply motivated I become to gain greater freedom. The more freedom I have the more freedom I want.
I thanked Sherry for calling me and then I said one last thing,
“You can’t bring it back.”
No! I did not go shopping at Michaels!
No! I did not hide craft supplies in my attic! (Not that the temptation hasn’t reared its ugly head.)
My friend Sherry came by and I loaded her down --- yikes, what an expression! Let’s try that again, I gifted her with envelopes, paper, and other supplies that can be used by the teachers and students at her school. It felt good to let the supplies go, especially knowing that they would be put to a good use. Sherry actually seemed to have more anxiety on my behalf, saying, “Are you sure you’re okay with this? Are you sure I can have this?” I was actually energized by the process. I’m just sorry she didn’t take more!
Side note: Linda and Denise, don’t worry. There is still PLENTY of stuff left.
Sherry called me this morning. She has brought just one box into her house from the back of her car and she is already feeling overwhelmed. She shared with me that it has given her insight into how I must feel, how I’ve been feeling for years faced with my own clutter. She looked at all the stuff in the back of her car and thought, “What the heck do I do with this now?” It was all stuff she wanted; stuff she chose. And it is stuff that she took with a particular use in mind. And yet, she --- a “cleanie”, an accomplished organizer ---is overwhelmed by it.
I’m glad that Sherry called me this morning to tell me about her experience. It helps me to hear her perception and awareness. I guess I’m allowing myself to know that I’m not a bad person because I’m overwhelmed by all this stuff and can’t seem to get it together. It would be normal for anyone to be overwhelmed by this much stuff. I’m not a bad person because I chose this stuff, because I wanted this stuff, or because I collected this stuff. It is normal for people to want and get stuff. Many people have eyes bigger than their closets, rooms, homes, garages, storage units.
I think sometimes when we live with something; for example, a particular belief or behavior; we can become numb to the effects of that belief or behavior. Here is an example: I walk around every day carrying an additional 80 pounds of body fat. This is down from 100 pounds. I was amazed by how much of a difference it made to my ability to move and breathe to release just twenty pounds. I've been heavy for so long that I barely notice hauling an extra 80 pounds around. Yet if you gave me an 80-pound bag of flour to carry around I'd be fully aware of how it physically challenged me. Part of growing willing and ready to let go is being willing to be aware of what it is costing me to hold on.
Similarly, I may not fully realize what keeping all of this stuff is costing me until it is gone. When my space is free of the visual clutter; when my mind is clear of clinging to the past; only when I experience freedom will I be fully aware of my previous bondage. So, it is good when we can see our world through someone else’s eyes. In this case I am motivated by the promise of moving out of the land of overwhelm.
I know the experience of the gradual lightening of my load. I know that the more I release the more deeply motivated I become to gain greater freedom. The more freedom I have the more freedom I want.
I thanked Sherry for calling me and then I said one last thing,
“You can’t bring it back.”
Wednesday, February 11, 2009
Wow. I'm in shock.
Be careful what you ask for....
I'm tossed between conflicting emotions. On one side: Elation, excitement, joy, gratitude, thrilled to my toes and fully on board. On the other side: Shocked, nervous and not quite sure what I've gotten myself into.
Inside I keep hearing, "If you want big change, take big action." Well, this is sure some big action!
Organization 9-1-1 is an event sponsored by the Seattle chapter of the National Alliance of Professional Organizers. I met Linda Deppa at a networking event and immediately knew I wanted to hire her to organize my office. She is so encouraging and passionate about what she does. I love to watch her brain work. She has this great balance of compassion and firmness. What I do as a life coach, Linda does as a professional organizer. She's an organization coach!
Linda and I had actually set an appointment to work on my office. I mailed her pictures of my office. She contacted me by phone and told me about this event. I was in a rush and went to the website and printed the application. Then I was off about my day. I didn't look at the application until the following day. That's when I discovered that I had 24 hours to submit my application.
I sort of wonder if this worked in my favor. Instead of pondering over the application and honing every word I answered the questions quickly, from my gut. The questions on the application are so wonderful and I had a great process just hearing the answers of my heart. I gained deeper understanding about some of what has blocked me in the area of clutter.
For example, one question asked, "What circumstances have contributed to your current situation?" My answer: I keep too much and then I get overwhelmed by all the stuff. I keep shuffling the overflow from room to room. When it is out of hand, I feel like a failure and then I just close the door on it. I’m creative and I see potential usefulness or art or fun in so many things. It is hard for me to let go because to let go would mean that potential (what could have been) is lost.
Wow. Where did that come from?!? The truth of this was less like a light bulb moment and more like a punch in the gut.
Perhaps I'll share more about my process with the application later....
The next step was a home visit from Linda Deppa and Denise Allen. Denise is the Special Projects Coordinator for Seattle NAPO.
I have to tell you that I went through a roller coaster ride of emotions surrounding that home visit. Even before Linda and Denise arrived I began to see my home through their eyes. A layer of dust that I hadn't noticed moments before now seemed glaringly obvious.
My kitchen table is covered with stuff...and if I were to "clean it off" because "people are coming" it wouldn't do me any good because I'd just shuffle all the stuff into one of the two rooms they were coming to look at! Oh me.
I had a sudden rush of anxiety. What if I expose myself and I'm rejected? What if I allow myself to be vulnerable and I'm judged? What am I doing?!? I'm going to let these professional women, women I network with professionally, see my private mess. I felt a rush of shame and I wished I could escape somehow.
I am quite sure that I'll experience all these emotions and more during this process. I'm observant of my emotions, I express them as part of my experience.
Back to the home visit: Linda and Denise walked through the two rooms. Denise is so compassionate to my process. Together she and Linda began to weave a creative vision for my office and my art studio. Meanwhile, Denise is earnestly trying to prepare me --- as much as she can --- for the reality of the process.
The process:
Six professional organizers for six hours a day for three days.
A banner across the front of my house and a yard sign out front. (Sure hope my neighbors love me.)
A garbage truck in front of my house. (Sure hope they really love me.)
Donations from Rubbermaid and Storables.
Oh, and did I mention a news crew from KING 5? (Wayyy coool!!!///Horrors!!!)
Press releases to print news including Voice of the Valley.
Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow.
I'm gonna get free! This is my year of freedom! No more bondage!
Kelly
(Oh, yeah. This means I've got to get rid of a bunch of stuff. From here on out I'll refer to it as "releasing anything that blocks my creativity/freedom". It's time to let go in a big way! Please God, help me.)
"Ask and you shall receive."
...you might just get what you ask for!
I'm tossed between conflicting emotions. On one side: Elation, excitement, joy, gratitude, thrilled to my toes and fully on board. On the other side: Shocked, nervous and not quite sure what I've gotten myself into.
Inside I keep hearing, "If you want big change, take big action." Well, this is sure some big action!
Organization 9-1-1 is an event sponsored by the Seattle chapter of the National Alliance of Professional Organizers. I met Linda Deppa at a networking event and immediately knew I wanted to hire her to organize my office. She is so encouraging and passionate about what she does. I love to watch her brain work. She has this great balance of compassion and firmness. What I do as a life coach, Linda does as a professional organizer. She's an organization coach!
Linda and I had actually set an appointment to work on my office. I mailed her pictures of my office. She contacted me by phone and told me about this event. I was in a rush and went to the website and printed the application. Then I was off about my day. I didn't look at the application until the following day. That's when I discovered that I had 24 hours to submit my application.
I sort of wonder if this worked in my favor. Instead of pondering over the application and honing every word I answered the questions quickly, from my gut. The questions on the application are so wonderful and I had a great process just hearing the answers of my heart. I gained deeper understanding about some of what has blocked me in the area of clutter.
For example, one question asked, "What circumstances have contributed to your current situation?" My answer: I keep too much and then I get overwhelmed by all the stuff. I keep shuffling the overflow from room to room. When it is out of hand, I feel like a failure and then I just close the door on it. I’m creative and I see potential usefulness or art or fun in so many things. It is hard for me to let go because to let go would mean that potential (what could have been) is lost.
Wow. Where did that come from?!? The truth of this was less like a light bulb moment and more like a punch in the gut.
Perhaps I'll share more about my process with the application later....
The next step was a home visit from Linda Deppa and Denise Allen. Denise is the Special Projects Coordinator for Seattle NAPO.
I have to tell you that I went through a roller coaster ride of emotions surrounding that home visit. Even before Linda and Denise arrived I began to see my home through their eyes. A layer of dust that I hadn't noticed moments before now seemed glaringly obvious.
My kitchen table is covered with stuff...and if I were to "clean it off" because "people are coming" it wouldn't do me any good because I'd just shuffle all the stuff into one of the two rooms they were coming to look at! Oh me.
I had a sudden rush of anxiety. What if I expose myself and I'm rejected? What if I allow myself to be vulnerable and I'm judged? What am I doing?!? I'm going to let these professional women, women I network with professionally, see my private mess. I felt a rush of shame and I wished I could escape somehow.
I am quite sure that I'll experience all these emotions and more during this process. I'm observant of my emotions, I express them as part of my experience.
Back to the home visit: Linda and Denise walked through the two rooms. Denise is so compassionate to my process. Together she and Linda began to weave a creative vision for my office and my art studio. Meanwhile, Denise is earnestly trying to prepare me --- as much as she can --- for the reality of the process.
The process:
Six professional organizers for six hours a day for three days.
A banner across the front of my house and a yard sign out front. (Sure hope my neighbors love me.)
A garbage truck in front of my house. (Sure hope they really love me.)
Donations from Rubbermaid and Storables.
Oh, and did I mention a news crew from KING 5? (Wayyy coool!!!///Horrors!!!)
Press releases to print news including Voice of the Valley.
Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow.
I'm gonna get free! This is my year of freedom! No more bondage!
Kelly
(Oh, yeah. This means I've got to get rid of a bunch of stuff. From here on out I'll refer to it as "releasing anything that blocks my creativity/freedom". It's time to let go in a big way! Please God, help me.)
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