Creating in my Studio - Messing it up!

Hello Gentle Readers,

I went into my studio a week ago and (gasp) I got it messy!

I decided to make a present for a baby shower. I began to gather what I needed. I began to spread out across the work tables.

As I connected more and more with the creative process, I took out more and more components (supplies) to work with. Guess what? I had everything I needed in my studio AND I knew where to find it! Wow. What a concept! What a reality! Here's what my work surface typically looks like when I'm in the midst of a creative burst:

And here, as a point of accountability, is a photo that shows I cleaned up after myself. Not only did I know where to find everything to begin with, I knew where to put it when I cleaned up. This is big! It helps so much when things have a specific home.

Here are closer looks at the gift I made. It is a box that flips open when the lid is removed. There are places to attach photos inside.

And here is an example of a fip-out photo box with pictures attached:

Woo-hoo! I made a mess in my studio, I created a wonderful gift that I hope will be a keepsake for years to come....and I cleaned up after myself!!!!! Yay me! I can do it.

Being Real

Hello gentle readers,

Have you ever anticipated a Big Event? Have you ever looked forward to something wonderful? Let’s just take Christmas as an example. You plan. You make preparations. You imagine the activities of the season. You talk to people about upcoming gatherings. You think about the Big Event; it consumes your thoughts more and more everyday as the day grows closer. You try to foresee and plan for every contingency. You think about what you'd like to receive. You think about what you'll give to others. You imagine people's reactions. Ahhhh, sweet anticipation.

And the day arrives, the one you've been looking forward to for so long: The Big Experience. The event that you've been planning for has arrived. All your preparation comes together into reality. Your anticipation culminates in actualization. This is it! This is really happening! The moment is now here...

And then it is done. The event is past. Where there was planning and preparation, there is now a void. Where once was anticipation, now there is a kind of mental and emotional floundering. There is a kind of casting about, fishing for what's next. “Now what?” our brain and heart asks.

Imagine the end of a vacation or retreat. Have you ever thought, with a sigh, “Well, it’s back to reality now”?

It’s not so much about being “let down” by the experience, its more accurate to say there is a certain amount of “let down” following a significant experience.

I've been experiencing this kind of "let down;" the kind that often follows a long-anticipated event or experience. I've been trying to deny it. I mean, this event was amazing. This experience changed my life. I received an amazing gift. I gave away amazing gifts. All the anticipation and preparation culminated in undeniable results....and yet. And yet, I will not deny where I'm at.

I've been avoiding this blog. I've been avoiding talking about where I'm at right now. "After all," my inner critic says, "What have you got to be feeling down about?!? You won a big prize! You received an incredible gift. Get over it! Get on with it!" I stuffed a sock in my inner critic's mouth and sat down to write this blog entry.

What has held me back is that I'm afraid that my post-event let down will taint the experience itself. I felt resistant to share. I told myself the story that it will reflect badly on the event as a whole. I told myself the story that it will detract from the joy of the results. I feel ashamed to be feeling this way, like I am a greedy child who is not happy with what she’s received. So, now I’m not only feeling the post-experience “let down” I’m also beating myself up for feeling this way at all.

Well, I guess its time for me to coach myself.

I’ve avoided even mentioning how I’m feeling. Now, I’m bringing these feelings into the light. I’m going to admit feeling this way. I believe that this act in itself will begin to take away the power of those feelings of “let down.”

The reality is: It is normal to experience some degree of let down following the culmination of a Big Experience. I think we all feel it to varying degrees. I’m considering what keys there may be to counteract post-event let down.

One key question I’m asking myself is, “What did I do differently in preparation for the Big Experience that I'm not doing now?” Well, for one thing, I was listening to affirmation CDs at least once and often twice a day. I was walking at least once every other day. I was imagining the end result. I was talking to people about it. I was feeding into the energy of anticipation and preparation. Once the event was past I quit doing these things. Now that I have this awareness, I have the opportunity to re-introduce some or all of these components into my life and see what difference they may make when applied to my daily living.

Another key is my source of daily motivation. Before, I was motivated by the anticipation of the Big Event. Now, I can look inside and learn to become motivated for myself, for my personal growth. Can I begin to see my life as the Big Event, The Big Experience above all others?

Another key that I suspect is very powerful is this: Find something new to look forward to. I can fill the void by settling my anticipation on a new experience or event. I can find a new source of motivation. I can determine a new target to reach for. I can begin to plan and prepare myself for another Big Experience.

What keys have you found to counteract post-event let down? Will you please share them with us here?

Blessings, dear gentle readers. Blessings to you.

Before and After Pictures

Hello wonderful readers!

I discovered how to imbed pics in my posts. Yay!
I thought I'd share these before and after pictures.

The transformation is stunning!

This room had become a "catch all" room ~

Now I have a quiet reading area.

I can even meet with clients here!

This room was really not being utilized at all.

Isn't it amazing what we keep around?

We aren't using it, but we don't want to let it go.

In the end, we end up in the grip of the clutter.

Why not release?

Release and be free!

This room is now useful. Well, really, it was always useful ... potentially.

Now this space welcomes me to write and work.

Yay!

Let's go down to the other end of my house now, into my art studio.

I used to call it my "craft room."

I appreciate crafting because it birthed who I am as an artist.

This mess, however, stifled both the crafter and the artist.

Now I am calling this side of the room my "movement studio."

Every morning I dance with Ellen.

Last night I bounced on my exercise ball for 30 minutes. Yay me!

Too much stuff!

Blocking my way, blocking my creativity, blocking my life.

No more!

Now!


A space where my creative spirit can discover and explore.

More pictures tomorrow, dear readers.

I have something exciting to tell you!

I went into my art studio and ... well, I'll save it for my next post.

Blessings,
Kelly

Space, the Final Frontier

Hello dear readers.

During Organization 9-1-1 six professional organizers a day for three days for six hours a day worked in my home. Professional organizers earn about $65 an hour. This means that, just in labor alone, I was given a gift valued at over $7000. I do not take lightly the efforts and energy invested in me. I am humbled and grateful. I want to honor this gift. While I cannot pay it back, I will pay it forward.

A big part of showing my appreciation for the investment made in me is to USE the space. I will squander the investment if I let the space go unused. It really isn’t much different whether I am unable to use the space due to too much clutter or whether I do not use the space because I want to keep it clean. Either way the POTENTIAL of the space is going untapped.

I love my new office! I’ve added a few more books to the shelves. I’ve been writing here every morning. It is great to have this space just for me. So far I’m putting things away every night when I step away from my desk.

On the other hand, I’ve yet to really stake my claim on my new studio. For one thing, it has been very cold and the room is not heated. That is just a surface reason, though.

There is just so much open space. It is strange. I don’t have a desire or urge to fill it with stuff. I’m more afraid that I will mess it up and so I don’t want to touch it. I’m anxious just thinking about it.

I must admit, I’m afraid that I won’t keep the space cleaned up. You see, I’ve broken faith with myself before; and of course I’m talking about my inner rooms here. In many ways, I don’t trust myself. I have the best of intentions, really, and then, in the past, I’ve not followed through on those intentions. Oh, I didn’t do this with all of my intentions. I managed to follow through on some. But I let myself and others down often enough that my faith in myself was damaged.

Breaking faith with myself and others has cost me dearly. Not only did I develop a deep distrust of my own word; I have pulled back and isolated from people who I feel I’ve disappointed. Now that I type those words, I suppose that in many ways I pulled back and isolated within myself --- even from myself --- out of disappointment, guilt and shame.

Today is a new day. I can choose to go to the people I’ve let down and ask forgiveness. I can be released from that guilt and shame. I can move forward and come out of isolation.

Today is a new day. I have the opportunity today to make the choices, small and large, that will begin to rebuild my faith in myself. There is only one way and that is to practice. Every intention that I set and follow-through with action begins to rebuild that trust in myself.

In regards to my studio, I’m just going to get in there and create something. And you know what? I’m planning ahead to give myself grace when I fall short. Falling short from time to time is going to happen. I will not hold myself to a standard of perfection, it won’t happen anyway. Trying to be perfect will just stifle my creativity and my joy of the space. Trying to be perfect will instill a spirit of fear that may ultimately cause me to isolate into inertia. I fully embrace my inner wonkiness!

I’m going to approach my studio fearlessly, as though it were a blank canvas. I’m going to mess up the space and then I’m going to prove to myself that I can clean it up. I can do it!

Blessings,
Kelly

Giving Birth is Hard Work

Greetings dear readers!

Earlier in this blog I drew an analogy between the professional organizers and midwives. Their role was to encourage me and to help me focus my energy on the task at hand. Their role was to help me push through the labor to birth two new productive areas in my home.

Well, today I feel physically and mentally like I have been in labor for three days. I am exhausted and sore everywhere. My ears are full. I don't want anyone to ask me another question for the next month; but I'll settle for 24 hours.

I am peacefully excited about my two new "babies." I am admiring them with the exhausted joy and wonder of a mother who worked hard for three days to bring them into the world.

I have decided to take today off. I'm going to rest, rest, rest. I'm going to rest my body and I'm going to rest my mind. I'm glad that it is so snowy here today; it is nice to stay in my pj's and snuggle down with a heat pack and watch the snow while I rest.

This journey is not over yet. Now it is time for me to create the habits and awareness that will make it possible to care for these rooms. Will you help me stay accountable? If you want to help me, just keep reading this blog. I'll continue posting pictures to show that I'm taking care of these spaces. I want to honor the investment made by the team of organizers who gave time and considerable energy to help me.

I know that there are many inner lessons that will arise from the process itself. I was moving intently through the physical process and it took all my attention and focus. The inner lessons will come now, as I rest and have the time to mentally and emotionally consider the experience.

I haven't forgotten, dear readers, to post the application questions and my answers. And I couldn't toddle off to veggie-land before posting this note to you.

This "good news" event was pre-empted by the snow and so there is no formal TV news coverage of Organization 9-1-1. We'll just make do with the amateur video I can present to you.

Click this link to see the grand finale pictures and video:
http://www.flickr.com/photos/7742059@N02/

And so, dear readers, I'm off to make like a vegetable for the rest of today.

Blessings,
Kelly

What a Wonderful Whirlwind!

I am typing this from my computer in my NEW OFFICE! Yay! This is going to be an "off the cuff" posting, dear readers. Can you imagine how tired I am? I know that you will give me grace.

I made 1.6 billion decisions on day one. My wonderful team arrived right on time and set up staging/sorting areas in the kitchen (two tables) and in my living room (one table). We created a pile of garbage in the yard and sorted into two piles on my deck. Did I mention that we did a lot of sorting??? Whew.

The trade agent, Summer, showed up and she is so wonderful! I'll post a link with her info soon. She took all my stamps and e-bay items. Poof! Just like that! She'll do all the listing and shipping labor and she will send me a check. Yay! Sort and sell, sort and sell.


I started sorting goodies to go to a little girl who is starting scrapbooking. Well, there is TOO much to give to this little girl and I need to face that. I suppose I'll box up a bunch of the decorative paper scraps and give them to a school...or two, or three. Sort, sort, sort!

I have boxes and boxes of paper and office supplies to go with Sherry to school. Yay! More sorting accomplished!

I did best when I just kept my head down and focused on what they put in front of me. If I looked up the big picture overwhelmed me. My wonderful team, headed by Linda and Denise, had their sorting boxes all figured out for the big picture. I learned that I can trust them with the big picture. Sort, sort, sort.

I was so exhausted by the end of day one that all I could do is exercise a little, eat and fall into bed. My back hurt and my brain hurt. I went to bed early and woke up sore and bleary-brained.

After a hot shower, I put on the Thermacare heat pack my hubby brought me home, had a protein drink and some power chocolate...and some coffee...and went back at it! Soon I was engaged in the intensity of the project, fully awake and back to the sorting, sorting, sorting.

By the end of day two the sorting is getting easier because I'm so burned out from choosing what to do with stuff that I mostly just toss or donate stuff. Sort, sort, sort.

It is so amazing how the rooms are taking shape. When I lift up my head and look around I'm not overwhelmed.

Would you like to see some pictures showing the progress over the last two days? Follow this link:

http://www.flickr.com/photos/7742059@N02/sets/72157614947593028/

It's time for me to pour this tired, tired body into bed so that I'm ready to go tomorrow!

Blessings,
Kelly

O-Day One

Wow! It's NOW!

The organizers are on their way! As I type this it is 8:35 a.m. and my life is about to change drastically. My heart is pounding and my stomach is swirling.

I spent most of the day yesterday sorting, sorting, sorting. I taped up nearly all my board games; they will be going to Goodwill. I returned library items so they wouldn't get lost in the shuffle. I re-homed an item with a friend to get it out of my house. I filled the back of my car with what I am calling "know go" items.

"Know Go" items are things that I will release only to people I know. I don't like to give them out indiscriminately I want to give them away intentionally. I want to give them away purposefully. I get super jazzed and excited to releasing them to people I know will really appreciate them.

What internal gifts do you have that you only give out to targeted people? What gifts of your heart, mind and spirit do you guard as sacred? How do you choose to whom you release these gifts? Are you releasing and giving away what you have that will bless or cheer others? If not, why? Have you ever given these gifts to people who were not worthy? What happened? How did you feel?

Wow! Those questions just poured out. Those questions are as much for me to examine later (when the organizers aren't nearly at my door) as they are for you to consider now.

The day is clear, sunny and cold here in Maple Valley. There is thick frost and puddles are frozen. It is a great day to get organized! It's a great day to let go of the junk of the past and make way for possibilities and new dreams!

If I get a chance, I'll put some video up on You Tube later. Watch the blog, I'll update as possible.

Blessings,
Kelly

Sorting Things Out

Sorting Things Out

I’ve been silent for several days, dear readers.

I am sorting things out. This is to say that I am FEELING things out; literally feeling things out of my life.

I have been sorting through one particular box; a box I avoided for a long time. The contents of this box include a jumbled assortment of regrets, betrayal, manipulation, resentment, bitterness, wounds, anger, abandonment, brokenness, pain, pain, pain, pain. I don’t want to look in this box! I don’t! I don’t! I don’t! And yet the contents seem to poison the very air around them. There is a smell coming from the box. Up until now I’d rather live with the smell than look at the dead thing it is coming from.

I know that I want to be free. I know that in order to be free I must take out the contents and deal with them.

If I don’t look at the contents I may keep them around because I think there just might be something in there I need. Why not just seal up the box and throw it away? If I just seal the box and throw it away, there may be a part of me that remains connected, still wondering if there was something I should keep.

Only by examining the contents can I know for sure and certain what, if anything, is worth keeping. Oh, dear God help me, I want to be free; help me to look, help me to see, help me to FEEL…

Oh, I don’t want to look! The contents are ugly and putrid. I see faces swirling in there, mine included. Evidence, this box contains evidence. By holding on to this box I use it as evidence to pass judgment against myself as well as others. Victim Story, this box reeks of vile scent of victim story. It is a pack of lies with no happy ending that leaves the storyteller powerless and stuck and questioning her own sanity. Self-hatred, oh, that is the poison; it is making me so sick. I recognize everything that I despise in others in my own heart.

There is nothing in here I want to keep! Nothing! I can't see anything of value in here! I don’t need this! I don’t want this! I hate the stench and the ugliness! I hate carrying the weight of it all. I don’t ever want to look in here again. I don't want to feel these emotions! But I will not stuff it all back in! No! I will shred it to pieces, I will shred the evidence! I will erase the victim story and change the story. I will burn all the little pieces! I will forgive and accept –maybe even learn to love- myself, my imperfect self, right here and now…and in the next moment, and the one after that and the next and so on and so on forever. I will feel the emotions and cry tears that wash the eyes of my heart so that I am able to see the hidden treasure in an otherwise painful experience.

I choose freedom. I choose freedom. The more I release the more freedom I have. Of course this box is inside me; it is a box related to a particular experience.

I am the container for all my experiences and all the emotions that go along with those experiences.

Feeling the emotions that are stuffed inside is not typically pleasant. They aren't pretty pretty and certainly are "not welcome in polite society." Some seem like starving beasts that want out to feed. In the past I've tried to keep them carefully chained and caged.Sometimes I’m afraid that by feeling the emotions I am feeding them. This is a lie! Sometimes it may seem that way, but in fact the opposite is through. My emotions have plenty to feed on when I cage them; they eat me up inside.

I am sorting (a.k.a. feeling) through experiences and emotions associated with mistakes, betrayal and/or violation. Feeling the emotions does not mean that I haven’t forgiven. It is part of the forgiveness process. Feeling the emotions takes willingness. It is part of the human life experience and therefore it is never over. The whole point of this is to feel emotions PERIOD.

I accept that I cannot “power out” nor "will" myself free of my emotions. I accept that I cannot pray away my emotions. I can pray through them, but I can’t pray them away.

Somewhere inside I received the message that it is bad, that I am bad, if I feel and express my “negative” emotions. I am not bad when I feel anger and resentment and bitterness and regret. I am not bad for feeling these things. These are simply real emotions that exist in relation to certain experiences. They are not “good” or “bad,” they are part of my experience. They are emotions; God gave me emotions so that I will FEEL them, not STUFF them. Heck, God feels emotion. Why would I be any different?

I’m sorting through things. I am not bad and I am not a failure. I am brave and willing to pull these things out and examine them in the light of day. Examination is risky; often confusing and painful; it involves allowing the feelings to come up and out. Every emotion I feel is shredding a little more judgmental “evidence.” Feeling my emotions burns away the pieces of offense and cleanses my wounds so that they can no longer fester inside. Feeling my emotions moves me more and more into moment-by-moment acceptance and love of my perfectly imperfect self…and of other’s perfectly imperfect selves.

I am surrounded by safe people now. I am surrounded by people who encourage me to feel my emotions and who I know will accept me no matter what emotion I am expressing. I am in a secure place and I’m willing to feel all these emotions and feel them fully throughout my life. I have opened the box and begun sorting through things. I’m not going to close the box. I’m not going to leave anything unsorted and I’m not stuffing anything back in. Though it is hard and scary, it is safe for me to look in this box. It is time for me to feel.

I’m sorting things out.